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Monday, May 14, 2012

Late night post

I am being judged, I am being hated, I am loved, I am cared for, but it all doesn’t impress me anymore. I have become used to my own world. I have trashed my world. Now, I am not aware of my grounds, my existence. Either I rebuild, continue or destroy it all forever. The brick by brick effort that I have been putting in my blog, in my writing, it all appears no better than trash. I deleted my blog today. Restored.I am done with the idea of god.I have been building the castles, but I have carefully disguised it all in what I call, living.I have burned the bridges, now I stay stranded on this side all alone while you watch the journey from a world that doesn’t exist anymore, at least for me!Ever been in a situation where you don’t want to talk while you are expected to speak, speak your mind, your heart; however you choke because you know, the more you speak, the more you would be cursed, yet when you choose to stay silent, it hurts.That's what exactly happening these days.May be this is more like creating a noise itself but can't help it. When I feel I am getting dependent on someone or someone is getting way too close, I shut it all off. I just did it today too.That's what i have been doing from years and the reason is unknown to me. The love, emotions, it all is dying deep down for good.May be its the fear,fear of losing...I'm yet to understand the complete picture which I might not even get till the end.No matter who all wish to walk along, no matter who all wish to be part of my life, I walk alone, I rather wake up alone! 
Its 3 a.m. and i guess i should take a good sleep now.Hoping for better day tomorrow.
Good night.

Sunday, May 6, 2012