She, as a girl.

The usually chirp, descriptive one who doesn't doesn't talk gently, refuse to keep a bucket full of soft toys near the bed side, laughs insanely instead of giggling, avoid those pink hair clips, often runs when sees the camera flash, doesn't keep a proper routine and eventually look forward for a better day ahead.Yes, She's the one writing this post.She has her own set of believes and she stands by them, Giving priority to family but has aspirations to live for.The one whose journey is all about exploring herself and blooming into a good person who knows the limits to hold her head, standards and self esteem high.

Fixed myself

When you're done with the battle and everything else settles down, do you smile for the winning or whine over the chaos and loss?
As the smoke passes through the over flooded mind the lyrics of fix you by coldplay lingers somewhere.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse..
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

When the cold tucks the numbness within and you shut everything like a disoriented insane woman, It doesn't really makes sense.Just when i decided to go into hibernation mode i couldn't help coming back.Back to my self again.I'm my own source of motivation.Forget.Today is supposed to be a busy day ahead.Running for train, Merciless bustling crow, Rush hour, Skipping way through swarm of people, Annoying announcements in every 3 -5 minutes, Holding on to my bag, my resolve and remains of the fleeting sanity.


This journey's just the beginning.Playing this game called life is probably the best time pass ever.Skating. Sliding. Rambling. Stifling. I’m happy running on my track.A bit high on my heels.Forever.
 
And Regina Brett quoted right, 'No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.'

Exactly Just The Way I Like

I found something worth sharing.To make it little easy for you to finish it off as soon as possible without wasting any time I have compiled the Danielle Koepke's  quotes.

You don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It's one thing if a person owns up to their behaviour and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings,ignores your boundaries, and "continues" to treat you in a harmful way, they have to go.There is a big difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up means selling yourself short. It means allowing fear and struggle to limit your opportunities and keep you stuck. Letting go means freeing yourself from something that is no longer serving you. It means removing toxic people and belief systems from your life so that you can make room for relationships and ideas that are conducive to your well being and happiness. Giving up reduces your life. Letting go expands it.Giving up is imprisoning. Letting go is liberation.Giving up is self-defeat. Letting go is self-care. So the next time you make the decision to release something or someone that is stifling your happiness and growth, and a person has the audacity to accuse you of giving up or being weak, remind yourself of the difference. Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to live your life in the way that feels right. No one has the authority to tell you who to be or how to live. No one gets to decide what your life should look like or who should be a part of it. No one, but you.

Now you've read this you may flush the regrets just in case.. *Grin* 

I pray to have eyes that see the best, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith.Gratitude turns what i have into enough for me.

Sharing my favorite picture of a place to which countless memories are attached.4 people, Insanity on its peak and so much of fun.

Life never run out of reasons to make you smile.You just forget to look at the brighter sides.

By the way did you get your legend's personalized digital signature poster from twitter?Mention #ThankYouSachin and @BCCI will generate one for you.Thank me later.Here is mine xD

Words I shall burst.

The last time i saw him was in November, 2010.He was there in hospital assuring he will be fine soon and asking me to make a promise to return on weekend.Yes i did return on Saturday, Though i didn't get a chance to see him ever again.I just saw a glimpse of his face while they were preparing to take him away.He didn't give me a chance to cry.Nor i tried letting it out for i hated the sympathy which world shower for no reason.Devastated we still are, The loss is beyond words.The sadness, guilt, apologies, Nothing really matters.It's all done now. I too somewhere died then. Perhaps this is death of loved ones do to us.They take away a part of us with them.I Unfortunately he is now more clever than before.He can see everything from above.Ha, you still cannot get mad at me right, For I have been your favorite and you cannot deny this.

Penny saved is a penny earned.

Earning isn't a cake walk as it seems to be and money plant doesn't manufacture those ample green notes for you and your family in bank accounts.I learned this at the age of 18 itself when i received my first hard earned income.I always had this habit of saving a little portion of whatever cash i used to get, I used to make list of things i would love to buy but once i had sufficient money i used to end up spending it all on other non important things.Even now at the age of 22 i haven't changed a bit i still save a portion of my non regular pocket money, make list of things to buy and then keep it aside when i realize i don't need the things i planned to purchase.Yes, here's a little difference and it is a sign of progress i guess.Time makes you realize the importance of decision making.To my surprise it has always been helpful, the balance between wants and needs is installed in the cells and I'm proud to announce that I have been able to fulfill my needs most of the times and sometimes my useless wants too because of the same without disturbing mom. xD

Penny saved is a penny earned they say.I understood the value and the meaning of this phrase.The most important thing is when i flaunt my stuff at least i can say i had the patience to earn it and instead of throwing tantrums on parents i managed to contribute my share.


Anyway what are your weekend plans? xD

And its a good day

The world feels good today. I woke up and there was a smile. It is a usual day, but there is something extra-ordinarily usual about it, or is it just me?May be because if we count the blessings instead of counting the loss the smile find a way back to home. I'm a simple girl, I don't dream a lot, I love rains only when I'm at home and there's no important work to finish, random insane conversations with my favorites makes my day, I can do things which are unpredictable just to see my close ones smiling, I dislike slangs but i know when to use them in best of manner, Sarcasm is my weapon to kill the selfish purpose of others who try to make me feel low, Mom's praise for almost not so good attempts at my cooking make me giggle, Spending almost half an hour trying to teach our pet how to behave in front of guests just to make him gentle dog and then declaring him useless is my pastime, Those 'Imma so lazy' and getting back to read novel thing makes me happy, Flaunting super extraordinary random drawing talent which becomes a subject of others laugh makes me laugh hysterically.It comes naturally to me because life has been very gracious when i look for reasons to laugh and giggle about.

Stroke of Remembrance

I felt trapped in a bubble wrap of jealousy.I woke up early today just to watch the raindrops coming down the window pane.Such mornings are beautiful, Isn't it?When i was a child i used to eagerly wait for rains to shower its blessings continuously until dad declare in sleepy voice "Baarish toh ruk hi nahi rahi hai chalo aaj chutti karlo warna beemar pad jaoge." Gone are the days when we used to have special rainy day breakfast including the hot jalebi's and pakore.Even now Maa never deny to prepare the same but then it doesn't have the flavour of togetherness.We miss him.We miss amma and baba.Only we know how it feels to lose 4 important family members one by one in merely span of 3 months.Just one stroke and it washed away everything.Its been almost 3 years but hardly there's any day we don't remember them.Papa's phone is still papa's phone, Amma's kitchen is still amma's kitchen, baba's room is still baba's room & maa keep talking about Naani too.Everything has changed yet somethings are still same.We may appear to be doing fine but the emptiness has created its mark which can never ever be replaced.There are days when i feel so miserable that i feel like running away from home and taking a shelter far away from the voices echoing in head but at the end of the day when I'm home it gives a sigh of relief that at least their memories do the talking.Call me insane because i till date mention my father a lot.Our fights, his over possessiveness, the times when he used to go beyond his pocket just to pamper me, his aspirations and dreams he weaved for me & how i crushed all.Is it necessary for a person to be  alive for being matter of somebody's talk?Duh.

I am determined to stand on my own soon.And this requires education and hard work.I’m now ready to give that.Better late than never right?Meanwhile i would like to take chances, find challenges in life.

 Let’s get mad.

Let the life weave its own story

So many dreams trashed, some newly printed, few turned out to be nightmares and well, a handful crystallized too, though am yet to understand the complete picture of 2013, or better yet I leave it at that.I may not have blogged regularly but i do have my share of memories which i have kept close. I found something I wrote few months ago, yeah i found it in drafts today.

I am not too sure how the things may turn up however am hopeful.Somebody pointed out today that i have become selfish for an unknown reason which she is not able to figure out.Things change, people change and i got to change too.sometimes it is hard to let the part of you go so easily, sometimes it is as easy as a calk walk but let's face the truth that nobody can be adamant enough to restrict the entry of changes in life.May be, it was for good back then, may be this is for best now.How i wish if life was as smooth as we plan it to be, no twist and turns to untangle, no crossroads, no tough decisions to make at every step but then where else we would get a gift of feeling of pride, happiness and achievement from?Looks like, there’s a lot to be learnt, changed, adapted and let the life weave its own story, who knows it may turn out to be an adventure too.

Accepting failure is as royal as celebrating success.

I am one of those person who find humour in worse situations.Trust me if i get an opportunity i might even end up joking about my death.Often this surprise to the people around me and then another tag of insanity is placed on my shoulders but then it hardly matters because i just cannot dwell in to the sadness throwing the Oh why me thing on every second person i meet.I seriously don't know if it makes someone a winner as the picture in right is shouting aloud but it is for sure that laughter is the cheapest medicine available at home.I rather work on the things i lack in.Though the depression sometimes takeover but then its okay, humans we are and its okay to let the analysis shower tantrums.I am though again bad at it..I end up watching comedy circus episodes. *You can kill me now* 


I found these beautiful lines on pramoda's blog which i feel i can relate to the most.

Celebrating success is as important as conquering it and accepting failure is as royal as celebrating success. Accepting a failure gives the desperation required to bounce back. Future belongs to those, who can think about their success on one day or other, even when they transfixed.You can read the whole post by clicking on pramoda's space

..See ya later. xD

Stay tuned for madness.

iRead and iLearn!

Drama and poetry is supremely underrated. I would love poetry till death. A single sonnet can

describe an entire book. People usually find poetry boring. They fail to understand the true meaning. Poetry, like quotes leave a strong impression. Poetry writing is a talent. I'm not saying that because I write them or i shall say i used to write. I still have a long way to go to perfect the art. Condensing feelings and lines into four to five words per sentence is an art in itself! You need to cut off at the right time, get the words to rhyme and keep it simple. You need to have a clear heart and deep understanding to get it. You need to put one and one together to get the actually meaning of a poem. Fiction, poetry and quotes, are my three fixations.Reading is a lost art.But nothing like a good book to carry to your bed and read before you sleep. Imagine taking the Computer, or the TV to bed.I hardly remember when this habit became a part of me, when I religiously started spending a part of my holidays on books. I may have a dozen which I haven't yet read, but still I end up craving for more. They say never judge a book by its cover, but sometimes I just pick up the book because it looks good. Honestly very few have turned out to be good. Reading is a part of my daily chores. Else something feels incomplete. But given a choice between reading and writing, anyday I'd choose reading. About 80% of what I am today is because of the books and blogs I've read. No, not the academic ones. The Others.

Ghanta Plan!

I am big on making plans. Probably one of my favorite things to do. Whatever the situation is, I have got to plan. Shopping? Plan. Friends day out? Plan. Exams timetable? Plan. Decorating my boring old cupboard? Plan. I even used to had this habit of jotting down my not-so-spontaneous plans in cellphones memo, I am  glad I am over those! Anyway mostly at the end of the day I feel kind of let down because things never go as you plan. My imagination has never heard of misfortunes, or if it has it tends to forget, but in reality they are bound to happen now and then. Also, I am super-lazy ass person. After spending like 13 hours on an awesome daydream, I do nothing and yes It is awesomely called as 'GHANTA plan'. I get bored. So I have decided no more planning, for time being, at least.


.......And I heart Chandler Bing in Friends. \m/

Let there be a reality check once in a while

I’m responsible for everything that happens in my life; Either good or bad; Either success or failure; Either enjoyment or sadness; I’m the only person who is responsible for myself.Life is not only about having dreams and goals; But it is also about knowing one’s own capabilities and limitations. Ideally, one should dream and aim the near impossible. But practically, one should know his own limitations and strengths before aiming at anything. After all, limitations are not mistakes and strengths may not last longer. But the one thing that lives forever is one’s ability to understand his own capabilities before setting any goals for himself.

Note to self

Believe in God. Believe in his timings. Because- when you lose a good thing, something better comes!It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it.You gotta hold your head up high, Have faith in yourself, Be strong.They say that good things take time.. But really great things happen in the blink of an eye.
I tend to say "I don't know" when I don't feel like thinking. I am good, but not an Angel. I sin, but I'm not the devil.And yes i was called a hypocrite too,especially when the moment came when i thought i almost stopped caring....what could be worst than this! sigh..time made us jerry while life is chasing like tom....
Here’s the thing. I think it’s best if I carry on from here by myself. You know, alone. –Marlin (Finding Nemo)

Topped with generous dose of life

While I have my coke, I will scribble down something..
People who think too much are the ones who get hurt the most. My sense of thought seems to have fallen out of the window, the very reason I'm not able to write much these days. Its easy to lie to others and get away, but when you have to face the truth within yourself its nothing short of hell. I keep telling myself that I have everything I need in life and my life's beautiful.Life is a bitch! and it bites badly at times.. But then we get over it, trust the rule...
And yeah lies, they always creep in on us, always lurking, seeking for a chance to take over our superego... but then some lies are worth the trouble, never regret, because what happened was what was supposed to be.. that's how I see my reflection....
Yes people often judge us cause of our past deeds and set up their tags based on it. They aren't worth our time. You know who you are, and you know about what wrong you have done.

I realized some things about myself some days back. Just a few months back, things were so different and suddenly I look at it and feel glad.Change, is not always bad after all :)

I have a long way to go. I know it is difficult but what I have lived through wasn’t easy either.

I'm Twenty One.

Yes. Finally the DAY is here and July has waved its aging wand.Indeed the whole idea of turning 21 fascinated me.Lets see how it turns out to be.Nothing much lined up for today.Phone calls,messages and attention will make it special in its own way.With a smile , I'm logging out.yeah of course with a promise to be back very soon.
The pearls gonna spread all over again.August last week,I'll be blogging again.
Hope you're good. xoxoxo

Late night post

I am being judged, I am being hated, I am loved, I am cared for, but it all doesn’t impress me anymore. I have become used to my own world. I have trashed my world. Now, I am not aware of my grounds, my existence. Either I rebuild, continue or destroy it all forever. The brick by brick effort that I have been putting in my blog, in my writing, it all appears no better than trash. I deleted my blog today. Restored.I am done with the idea of god.I have been building the castles, but I have carefully disguised it all in what I call, living.I have burned the bridges, now I stay stranded on this side all alone while you watch the journey from a world that doesn’t exist anymore, at least for me!Ever been in a situation where you don’t want to talk while you are expected to speak, speak your mind, your heart; however you choke because you know, the more you speak, the more you would be cursed, yet when you choose to stay silent, it hurts.That's what exactly happening these days.May be this is more like creating a noise itself but can't help it. When I feel I am getting dependent on someone or someone is getting way too close, I shut it all off. I just did it today too.That's what i have been doing from years and the reason is unknown to me. The love, emotions, it all is dying deep down for good.May be its the fear,fear of losing...I'm yet to understand the complete picture which I might not even get till the end.No matter who all wish to walk along, no matter who all wish to be part of my life, I walk alone, I rather wake up alone! 

Its 3 a.m. and i guess i should take a good sleep now.Hoping for better day tomorrow.

Good night.

Sh!t happens.

If you make it clear at the start, You are all free throughout!

  

There are certain things I have done and I agree that I have done something wrong. Then, there are people who still want to hurt me because of the things i did in the past.I simply said to myself what I had done is past and I know some of them were wrong. I accept and I am ready to learn and change, but I do not expect anyone else to adopt me for that. If they really think I am changing for good and they have a good heart, they will accept me. If not, may peace be with them.I'm really not concerned if they continue to think the same.

Yesterday, it was me,

Today, it is someone else.
Tomorrow, who would it be?

I really don't have any clue.

Words which I shall burst.

I quietly kept the notebook aside because the ant like alphabets dancing on pages were not making any sense to me or may be because I'm tired of doing the same thing again and again.It is rightly said that whenever you open books everything and ANYTHING in this wicked world catch your interest,even observing your slippers design seems to be most appealing job.
A tear rolled down my eye..I realized its after long time I've encountered one.Second one didn't dare to drop out from its shell as i threatened it and took a deep breath.The present situation haunts me to the core...but then everyone has personal problem.It's okay to not be okay sometimes..after all nothing is permanent and This too shall pass.Here the emotions are stronger, the pain deeper...But there you go again..

With a positive note and hope..Next post shall happen soon!

Life happens

It comes as a bit of a surprise to me about how much I've changed in the past year or so.
Those eight months which now seem to be so far away, I've left huge parts of me behind and added some which I never thought I would.Immaturity blended with pinch of maturity,For I'm human and I'm not going to remain same.
I've started being a lot less judgmental..I've started believing in second chances. I've learned to let a lot of things go. I've been a little more serious for fetching decent grades, a lot more easy, a lot less dramatic and very, very detached from a lot of things which previously meant lot to me.
I've also lost a lot of people I never thought I would.Change doesn't have to be a bad thing. And it's never planned. It just happens. And when there are a few bad things with quite a few good ones, you have to learn to deal. Because we're not children anymore. It's not just black and white- it's a lot of shades of grey."  In midst of all the complexities and anxieties details of life, there are simple and beautiful things we fail to notice. We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are.

With awesomeness, and hope for a better tomorrow and better post, Good Night!