And It's a NO for an answer

I've been told infinite times that I don't work hard for my dreams.I smile.I don't give a shit.I do my thing.May be they are right, may be they are not.Giving up has never been a trait which suits nor the life takes no for an answer.I was a bit upset.A thought I personally go by always is “Be the change you want to see” Like my tongue which flies around irrespective of authority, my hands too have a mind of their own.Hence the blog happened and so this post.What is the earliest memory you have of your childhood ? honestly, I always had a peanut size brain, so I can't boast much of memories but looking back I'm contended with the quality of life which i have lived.Not very often you've this luxury of having whatever you need instead of whatever you want and this is how we learnt saying “a young lady should always remember what family she belongs to." This is how i managed high school, distance learning, living in a different city sticking to own set of values, working part time.I realized how many times I might have hurt you, made you cry, took away your sleep at night, got you anxious, disappointed you and got you embarrassed. But Ma you are the best thing in my life and no matter how much people would say I look like you, my best compliment is when they tell me I am just like you despite of all the differences.I love your simplicity, i love the way you look so aghast when i get you an expensive gift, i love the way you smile with pride when i refuse to take favours from others, i love your shocked look when we go out dining at some fancy place and you see the price on the menu, the way you insist you don't need any more sarees and fancy footwear, the way you lovingly make our favorite dish and have that content smile, the way you try to understand the struggles and take a defense whenever someone points out our flaws and make conversation, the way you keep telling younger one to learn..i could go on forever Ma.I may not have flawless complexion and skill sets to quench but then at the end of the day I'd still be your one insane daughter you could laugh at infinite times.

She, as a girl.

The usually chirp, descriptive one who doesn't doesn't talk gently, refuse to keep a bucket full of soft toys near the bed side, laughs insanely instead of giggling, avoid those pink hair clips, often runs when sees the camera flash, doesn't keep a proper routine and eventually look forward for a better day ahead.Yes, She's the one writing this post.She has her own set of believes and she stands by them, Giving priority to family but has aspirations to live for.The one whose journey is all about exploring herself and blooming into a good person who knows the limits to hold her head, standards and self esteem high.

Take someone who doesn't keep score,
Who's not looking to be richer, or afraid of losing,
Who has not the slightest interest even
in his own personality: he's free.

- Rumi

In the end

Irrationality is actually my favorite of all because it makes one true to themselves and isn't it what is of utmost priority?Peace only.You are free to pursue what you believe in without having burden to prove anything to any four random people which are often dragged in conversation else the bubbles burst and reek foul smell of envy pouring the enormous poison rotting every bit slowly and steadily and like a coward one keeps living under dark clouds whining about the bad weather staring into blank walls and feel the purposelessness of life so intensely.This doesn't make any sense.Not at all.Not to me at least.I believe in seeking a path of faith to enlightenment of the Truth.If there is a mountain that can’t be climbed, know that the mountain doesn’t exist.Because when you die, you would be able to say that your life hasn’t gone to waste and you are not going away without doing anything for yourself.

Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder

I neither belong here,
Nor i belong there,
From madness to sanity cigar,
I have come this far,
From love to hatred,
Worthless, they all once stated,
Remorse buried in grave,
Playing game of life is favorite escape.

It's not about the fair skin tone or the layers of make up you put on but it's about the ability to have compassion and kindness towards everyone you meet.You hardly know their story so there's no point in judging their struggles.I refuse to be called beautiful. for i cannot bear the extra dose of negativity.I can be there assuring the support but then i begin to become ignorant once someone start getting on nerves crying every single time.You may say I'm selfish, I admit I am but then let it be.Who isn't?I'm not bounded by an obligation to entertain the irretrievably bruised souls who are beyond reach to be fixed.If i can't convince anyone that life is worth...I just try to remind them and if nothing installs in their pea size brain i quietly leave.All one can do is pray for them, as simple as that.I have had my share of struggles which I've learned to laugh at, prepared for bizarre to flood in.I take the ownership, chances, fun and no matter what, I won't stop my things for someone else sake.I live it all unapologetically.

Friend of mine poked few days back complaining about the looks which she has no control over.I mean this isn't something you can actually get on demand.Imagine if ever this thing worked how it would have been.Creators mailbox flooded with ultimate requests and infinite bribes to speed up the process.

There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others.I don't believe in dressing up reality.I don't believe in using make up (Of course conditions apply) to make things look smoother.Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in my own skin.The ones who loves you would still be willing to be seen in public with you, Not because of how you like but because of what you mean to them and if someone doesn't accept you for how you look like, Trust me they deserve to be left like a choice.