Existence in question

The stillness haunts me everynight,
The inner screams tears me apart,
Unwillingly my eyes become moist,
The sadness overshadow my smiles,
leading the question to my existence.
All day long there's a hollow feeling inside,
Even if i laugh,Am i happy?
I really can't decide.
The knife makes me think of slitting my wrist,
Getting rid of this irritating life,
But the memory of the day when i was going to do this,
The concern of my mother on that day scolds me ,
Her love,her believe,her affection

Made me sworn to never end my life this.
The helplessness to stop the unwanted thoughts,
leads to the restlessnesses,
Consumes the every littleness of joy from within,
Turns the faith into nothingness.
I collapse and close my eyes,
Plugging the earphones with music too loud,
Though the loudness of songs overshadow the inner screams,
But the unwanted train of thoughts never leaves.